Songa Red

During the initial shock of a Zombie Apocalypse; it's the men and women of faith that do the most damage. 1 They run out of their homes into the sunshine of the good lords rapture 2 and into their neigbors 3 or their children 4 who eat their arms 5 or their genitals- 6 and then that person becomes a Zombie..7 and everyone thinks there's a big church meeting going on- 8 so they all skank out into the sunshine in their sunday best with their arms over their heads 9 and then somebody eats their skin off 10 and they become a Zombie..and it's so ironic because somebody JUST gave you the 11 'why not be prepared and read the bible- that way your bases are covered if there IS a God.' speech- 12 but you can clearly see the guy outside of your window being gutted alive 13 by a pack of naked old women, so it's obvious that his bases were not covered at all. 14 He can't scream...15 because his lungs have just been torn out of his chest- 16 but he makes direct eye contact with you- 17 so you sigh, open your window- 18 give him a brief look of mechanical sympathy with a half shrug and a 'you can do it nod'... 19 then you turn around, roll your eyes 20 lock your door 21 and watch your roomate play 'dance, dance, revolution' while you finish your coffee and eat a bowl of cereal.

22 Before the Cable service was discontinued- there was an account of a sole remaining keeper of a large metropolitan zoo who confusedly decided to flee from the relative saftey of his 23 gated, 24 food-laden animal sanctuary...for the 25 trite, screaming, 26 unprotected comforts of some 27 random, panicked crowd with handguns.

28 Fearing that his helpless wards would starve in his absence, 29 the zoo keeper released all of the animals from their cages- 30 made a determined, B-Line Sprint for the exit but..31 was mauled to death, almost immediately by a healthy young pair of Afican lions named 32 Bobmbatha, 33 and Songa Red.

34 I watched on T.V. as the lions leapt over a couple of short fences to their freedom on the other side of the zoo. 35 I watched as they roared and shook their manes free of blood and chunks of man. 36 I watched as every Zombie eyestoped and turned to the spectacle of the two, young predator cats standing unafraid in the middle of the street.

37 I saw wave after wave of undead masses threw themseves in blind, ferocious hunger against the lions; 38 and I watched as the clouds of blood settled onto the ground and the two victorious animals stepped from beneath the shadows and into sunlight for a nap.

39 You can fight zombies with a baseball bat.
40 You need a snub nose .38 for everything else.

41 Zombies are maladous things. 42 They don't groom theselves 43 or comminicate with one another. They, unlike other predatorial animals, 44 are not endowed with natural instict or 45 prowes of hunt. 46 They are retarded and slow and 47 almost completely harmless 48 unless they happen to be traveling in a pack; which is rare- 49 as Zombies are unable to understand the benifits that such a union may bring.

50 So how did they take away our Nintendos?
51 Why are we foraging for berries instead of shopping for food?

52 I guess, eventually, everybody wants a little civility- 53 just like everybody longs to be in love 54 and to do drugs 55 and to have sex..but I promise you, no matter how bizarre it may seem.. 56 before all of this happened- every body who was having sex and doing drugs and falling in love- all of those people were secretly wishing for a Zombie apocalypse. That's no fuckin' joke.