Characters
Hal Jordan (The Green Lantern)
Oliver Queen (The Green Arrow)
Dinah Laurel Lance (The Black Canary)
Appa Ali Apsa (A Guardian)
Scene
Hal Jordan and Oliver Queen are riding in the cab of an old beaten truck. Appa Ali Apsa sits in the back.
Time
Late Day.
OLIVER
People need balance, not supervision.
HAL
Hippy bullshit, Ollie. Justice dictates balance. People need law.
OLIVER
-say's the guy with a magic ring in his pocket. Jesus, man- you put that thing on and people have to answer to you. But where's your law? What keeps you in check? Him? That little blue alien Nazi in the back of my truck?
HAL
Don't…judge people by the color of their skin.
OLIVER
What people? That thing isn't even native to this universe, man… my racial compassion is.
And the goddamn thing is terrified of the color yellow; It horrifies him. That is BUCK WILD.
HAL
Oh, stop.
OLIVER
They segregated color, Hal. Not skin color or hair color- just color. Do you know how crazy that sounds?
HAL
It's more complicated than that.
OLIVER
You got drowned out. What'd you say?
HAL
I said things are more complicated than what you make them out to be.
OLIVER
…and that's all I was trying to say.
HAL
Oh, you sonofabitch. You're little circular logic trick doesn't-
OLIVER
-what? It doesn't what? Apply?
HAL
Now your putting words in my mouth.
OLIVER
You damn right I am. Cause that's how you eat; you chew a carrot and think that's the way everything is supposed to taste, and Hal- you're a genius at finding carrots…but it's more complicated than that and you should know- It doesn't matter if you accessorize with magic rings or 300 dollar sunglasses: You're still a human being… and not everything tastes like carrot.
HAL
Archery is for women.
OLIVER
I guess that's why I'm swimming in tail. How's the ass in space?
HAL
Hey, at least I can fly if I want…and not slither along behind you know who- stealing all of his stuff.
OLIVER
That's preposterous. I'm nothing like that guy.
HAL
You're right, of course- you're right. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just reacting.
OLIVER
No need to apologize. I never said you weren't reason-
HAL
-how's the arrow cave, Ollie?
(OLIVER turns the radio up. HAL reaches over and turns it off.)
HAL
Do you still hide your arrow-mobile there? I bet it's hard to see the arrow-signal while you're still inside the arrow-cave, huh? Since it's so dark and mysterious inside?
OLIVER
Maybe let's listen to some music-
HAL
-why? So you can steal it and pretend like you made it up on the guitar?
(OLIVER clears his throat.)
HAL
You know that guy could sue the shit out of you if he didn't have a secret identity to protect. I mean, that's his intellectual property- it's not free like water and air or peppermint candies; It's a tangible, copy written gain and…you just robbed it from him. You plagiarized the poor guy because he couldn't do anything about it and then pretended like it never even happened . I don't even know if there's a legal term for something that awful.
OLIVER
Okay. Time to move on, now.
HAL
I call it 'Grand Theft 'Somebody Else's Ideas'…you probably know it as 'Monday'.
OLIVER
New Topic.
(Shot of Appa Ali Apsa sitting in the back of the truck. Muffled Conversation from inside.)
(Back inside)
OLIVER
You want to stop and let your monkey back in?
HAL gasps.
OLIVER
What? It's cold outside. It might catch the bird flu. Nothing worse than a monkey with the bird flu.
HAL
You've gone too far.
(Another shot of Appa Ali Apsa sitting in the back of the truck. Muffled conversation from the inside.)
(Then back inside the cab)
HAL
He could wink you out of existence, Oliver. Pay him that respect.
OLIVER
He smells like tortilla chips and cotton-candy- like feet, corn-chips and carnival food. That's his scent…
HAL
Stop it, Oliver.
OLIVER
Alright, man- but seriously…I need to know if it's up to date on it's shots…because that could affect me.
(Shot of Appa in the back of the truck. Muffled conversation.)
(Then back inside)
HAL
You just don't know when to stop, do you? You just keep playing the joke until it's only funny to you. You're an asshole.
OLIVER
Oh, calm down. I didn't realize you'd- (he looks worriedly into the rearview mirror) Oh shit. (He twists in a panic to look at Appa Ali in the back of the truck)
HAL
What is it?
OLIVER
I dunno! It looks like he's Choking or something! What do I do?
HAL
(Panicked. Knocking on the glass.) APPA! APPA! (He turns back to Oliver) Are you sure? How can you tell? Pull Over!
OLIVER
Just Look At Him, Man! Look at what color he is!
(Long pause. Hals Jordan's face darkens with rage.)
OLIVER
You're really sweet on that monkey, huh?
(Shot of Appa in the back of the truck. Muffled screaming from inside.)
(Then back inside)
HAL
Total Lack of Respect!
OLIVER
Look! Maybe you shouldn't take your doll collection so seriously.
HAL
This is about to get violent.
OLIVER
Oh, I'd better be quiet, then.
HAL
Just shut up…
(Long pause)
OLIVER
Why so blue, man?
(HAL takes a long stuttering breath.)
OLIVER
It's like a physical pain, huh? Because of how sharp my wit is.
(Appa knocks at the window. Oliver opens it.)
APPA
We will stay at the Showcase motel located 3 kilometers north by north west of-
(Oliver shuts the window)
OLIVER
So, I'm gonna drop you off at the motel, let you cool off, hit the pool- because you're obviously pissed off at me…for no good reason. Then I'm gonna hit the bar; have a couple of beers, maybe eat a hamburger. Are you hungry? No? More for me…and check it out- NO PETS ALLOWED: So one of us needs to take your Muppet back to sesame street before it closes for the weekend.
(Oliver opens the back window.) Did you hear that, buzz-kill?
APPA
I hear all thin-
(Oliver shuts the window.)
BLACK. TITLE CARD.
OPENING CREDITS.
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